For it was said, for all to see
Jesus died on the cross for you and me
All tears that have been shed
Are counted and blessed on one great Head
Hear oh Lord, my cry to thee
You give me strength for all to see
Blessed are the ones who follow Him
Truth and light come from within
A private place to cherish you
To my own Devine self I stay true
My life is toiled and maybe soiled
Yet you come to me and wash me clean
Shining bright for those unseen
Put you first, you ask of me
Where else would I go, for not lonely
You show your love everywhere
To all others should take care
Your love for me will never cease
Every day I try to increase
For you gave your only Son
So all man could be one
Together in grace of society
We hope to live on Your reliability
Amen
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Friday, July 1, 2011
Is there Hope?
Well, another trip to the Dr. My potassium is finally up! (It only took 3 months, heart palipatations, a cardiologist) So I'm stuck taking potassium chloride elixer...YUCK! (better than the molasses that I was taking to increase my levels). The Parkinsonism is worsening, my head nods continually as if I was listening to music. I've actually had people ask me, "What are you listening too? I don't see any earbuds?". Embarrassing! A good friend nick named me "bobble head", it's endearing from her, but when strangers comment, it hurts. I will see the specialist this July. My research I did, wasn't promising, so that's why I ask "Is there Hope?"
My disability was denied, again..:-( . Who would've ever thought that at the ripe ole age of 41, I find I cannot support myself and kids. With all respect to reforms of government funded programs, I can't believe there is nothing out there for someone in my position, or that some other appointed Dr decides just how ill I am, and still believes I can be gainfully employed? I submitted my appeal. All I can do is wait, and pray.
Heaven have mercy and God give me strength.
My disability was denied, again..:-( . Who would've ever thought that at the ripe ole age of 41, I find I cannot support myself and kids. With all respect to reforms of government funded programs, I can't believe there is nothing out there for someone in my position, or that some other appointed Dr decides just how ill I am, and still believes I can be gainfully employed? I submitted my appeal. All I can do is wait, and pray.
Heaven have mercy and God give me strength.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Life and Times Raising Two Wonderful Boy's
Let me start out by telling the story of the Title to my blog. While feeding my youngest, 6mos of age, sweet potatoes, he reaches down, pulls out the toe jam from between his toes and promptly puts his finger in his mouth. I thought of my life, sweet, fun, happy, yet hard, difficult and down right disgusting at times! If I ever wrote a book, the title would be, Sweet Potatoes and Toe Jam. Now it's a blog!
Here I'm gonna post the funny times, and stories, my sons have done, that keeps a smile on my face every day!
I was stationed on Camp Pendleton for 3yrs, my oldest son, Gage, was born there. When we moved back to good ole Wisconsin, at 2 1/2 he heard his first thunder storm, pointed to the sky and shouts "Airpain, mommy, Airpain!" (no that's not a typo, L's don't develop in vocabulary until about 5yrs). Batman and Robin where the big hit, so to introduce him to sleepers, I bought him one that looked like Robin's costume. One morning, after refusing to put his underwear back on, he zippes his penis in it! (I know men...OUCH!). As we would see relatives I hadn't seen in a long time, Gage would say, "Hi! I'm Gage, I got my penis stuck in my robin!" The horrified faces, to this day, make me roll on the floor with laughter! One beautiful evening, there was the full moon high in the sky, Gage comes outside to see. "Mommy, the sun's broken!" he states, oohh boy, outta the mouths of babes!
Here I'm gonna post the funny times, and stories, my sons have done, that keeps a smile on my face every day!
I was stationed on Camp Pendleton for 3yrs, my oldest son, Gage, was born there. When we moved back to good ole Wisconsin, at 2 1/2 he heard his first thunder storm, pointed to the sky and shouts "Airpain, mommy, Airpain!" (no that's not a typo, L's don't develop in vocabulary until about 5yrs). Batman and Robin where the big hit, so to introduce him to sleepers, I bought him one that looked like Robin's costume. One morning, after refusing to put his underwear back on, he zippes his penis in it! (I know men...OUCH!). As we would see relatives I hadn't seen in a long time, Gage would say, "Hi! I'm Gage, I got my penis stuck in my robin!" The horrified faces, to this day, make me roll on the floor with laughter! One beautiful evening, there was the full moon high in the sky, Gage comes outside to see. "Mommy, the sun's broken!" he states, oohh boy, outta the mouths of babes!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
In the begining.
I'm gonna start off this blog with a little history of my diagnosis of gatroparesis.
In June of 2007 I began suffering from nervous breakdowns. I had suffered a total of 4 from June to December resulting in the loss of my job for my many absences. My phyciatrist (referred to here after as my psycho dr) began prescribing me heavy anti-depressants: Lithium, Trazadone, Depacote, Klonapin, Effexor, and the list goes on. The lithium shut down my liver, hospitalized for 2 days while they began to function again. In September of 2009 my hair began to fall out and I began vomitting all day long, there was no relief for my anxiety and depression, I began to believe I suffered from Bi-polar disorder and this was how I was having to live my life. Very depressed, I spent all day sleeping and trying to escape the horrible stomach cramping and vomiting. Psyco dr gave me seroquel, adavan, and ambien, just dealing with the deperssion, he was convinced I was suffering side effects when I would mention the vomiting and upset stomach. (He said the upset stomach was from anxiety). Before I knew it, I no longer knew what end was up, so doped up on these heavy meds, I relinquished custody of my youngest son, age 2 at the time, to his father, knowing I was not able to give proper care for my beloved son. My life became a mix of vomiting all day, upset stomach and trying desperately to escape it all.
In January of 2010 my family Dr. could stand by no longer and started a long list's of test's to get to the underlying issues of the physical symptoms I was suffering from. Neg for allopecia, but my hair continued to fall out. Stomach scope, rectal scope, blood tests, echo cardio, thyriod gland. Then a test, gastric emptying test, HOORAY! my stomach is 85% paralized. No wonder any meds my psycho dr put me on gave me no relief! In March of 2010, my son's father filed for full custody of my son (wasn't that nice of him, me so sick, so lets take the woman to court and take her son away, and he reported me to Health and Human Services for not having custody of my son. He only had him in his full time care for 3 months at this time). My family Dr prescribed Reglan for the diagnosis of Gastrparesis. End of March I made the choice to go "in house" and detox from all the heavy psycho drug I was on. The closest hospital equipted to handle a safe detox was in another county than the one I resided in, and would not admit me. I landed in a half-way house with no medical attention to detox, just a place where people are sent if they are suicidal and need to be babysat. Only 103lbs, sick from withdrawls, my muscles slowly began to stop functioning. I wasn't able to dress myself, lift a fork to my mouth, hardly walk. My psycho dr instructed the people in this half-way house to not help me, I was attention seeking. I had to sleep on top of my covers because none of the ladies would even help me cover up. When I phoned my psych dr and asked for a small amount of adavan to help with the high anxiety a person suffers in detox, he wrote in my record that I was drug seeking and had to stay in that horrible place longer! I cried, I thought for sure my life was gonna be spent in a nursing home for the rest of my life. My family Dr. sent me to a nuerologist, he recommended to stop the Reglan. AMAZING! after only 1 day my function slowly began to return! Smiling, and making sure all the ladies, who would not help me, knew how wrong they were. I finally was released from that half-way house and NEVER saw my psycho dr, or therapist again!
The gastroparesis was reconfirmed by a specialist. I have shared placement of my youngest son. My condition is not fun, but I manage it ok. Another trip to my specialist will happen in July because of the difficulty of nutrition, and the strain my low pottasium levels are putting on my heart.. I was just denied disability and I live with what little I can afford. My daily life schedule looks like this; (don't read if you have a sensative stomach) If I'm able to eat, I usually do about 5pm, knowing that in 4hrs I hope to sleep. If I do vomit up what I can't digest, it's at night, or first thing in the morning, once I'm done vomiting, I can take my prilosec, anti anxiety, and erythormyacin (proven to help the stomach move). Being on an antibiotic regualarly kills all the good bacteria in my digestive tract, so another hour or so near a bathroom for the runs. Usually able to leave the house by noon, always making sure where I'm going, a bathroom is close by. I can tweak my schedule so I can care for my 2 son's and engage in their busy lives, it's not easy, but it's me!
In June of 2007 I began suffering from nervous breakdowns. I had suffered a total of 4 from June to December resulting in the loss of my job for my many absences. My phyciatrist (referred to here after as my psycho dr) began prescribing me heavy anti-depressants: Lithium, Trazadone, Depacote, Klonapin, Effexor, and the list goes on. The lithium shut down my liver, hospitalized for 2 days while they began to function again. In September of 2009 my hair began to fall out and I began vomitting all day long, there was no relief for my anxiety and depression, I began to believe I suffered from Bi-polar disorder and this was how I was having to live my life. Very depressed, I spent all day sleeping and trying to escape the horrible stomach cramping and vomiting. Psyco dr gave me seroquel, adavan, and ambien, just dealing with the deperssion, he was convinced I was suffering side effects when I would mention the vomiting and upset stomach. (He said the upset stomach was from anxiety). Before I knew it, I no longer knew what end was up, so doped up on these heavy meds, I relinquished custody of my youngest son, age 2 at the time, to his father, knowing I was not able to give proper care for my beloved son. My life became a mix of vomiting all day, upset stomach and trying desperately to escape it all.
In January of 2010 my family Dr. could stand by no longer and started a long list's of test's to get to the underlying issues of the physical symptoms I was suffering from. Neg for allopecia, but my hair continued to fall out. Stomach scope, rectal scope, blood tests, echo cardio, thyriod gland. Then a test, gastric emptying test, HOORAY! my stomach is 85% paralized. No wonder any meds my psycho dr put me on gave me no relief! In March of 2010, my son's father filed for full custody of my son (wasn't that nice of him, me so sick, so lets take the woman to court and take her son away, and he reported me to Health and Human Services for not having custody of my son. He only had him in his full time care for 3 months at this time). My family Dr prescribed Reglan for the diagnosis of Gastrparesis. End of March I made the choice to go "in house" and detox from all the heavy psycho drug I was on. The closest hospital equipted to handle a safe detox was in another county than the one I resided in, and would not admit me. I landed in a half-way house with no medical attention to detox, just a place where people are sent if they are suicidal and need to be babysat. Only 103lbs, sick from withdrawls, my muscles slowly began to stop functioning. I wasn't able to dress myself, lift a fork to my mouth, hardly walk. My psycho dr instructed the people in this half-way house to not help me, I was attention seeking. I had to sleep on top of my covers because none of the ladies would even help me cover up. When I phoned my psych dr and asked for a small amount of adavan to help with the high anxiety a person suffers in detox, he wrote in my record that I was drug seeking and had to stay in that horrible place longer! I cried, I thought for sure my life was gonna be spent in a nursing home for the rest of my life. My family Dr. sent me to a nuerologist, he recommended to stop the Reglan. AMAZING! after only 1 day my function slowly began to return! Smiling, and making sure all the ladies, who would not help me, knew how wrong they were. I finally was released from that half-way house and NEVER saw my psycho dr, or therapist again!
The gastroparesis was reconfirmed by a specialist. I have shared placement of my youngest son. My condition is not fun, but I manage it ok. Another trip to my specialist will happen in July because of the difficulty of nutrition, and the strain my low pottasium levels are putting on my heart.. I was just denied disability and I live with what little I can afford. My daily life schedule looks like this; (don't read if you have a sensative stomach) If I'm able to eat, I usually do about 5pm, knowing that in 4hrs I hope to sleep. If I do vomit up what I can't digest, it's at night, or first thing in the morning, once I'm done vomiting, I can take my prilosec, anti anxiety, and erythormyacin (proven to help the stomach move). Being on an antibiotic regualarly kills all the good bacteria in my digestive tract, so another hour or so near a bathroom for the runs. Usually able to leave the house by noon, always making sure where I'm going, a bathroom is close by. I can tweak my schedule so I can care for my 2 son's and engage in their busy lives, it's not easy, but it's me!
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